#12: Original Sin

Original Sin

Reference: Season 1, Episode 3- "Kill Me Now"

Quote- Lorelai: "...I'll send up a masseuse who bears a striking resemblance to Antonio Banderas."

Since this was a reference to an actor and not a specific movie, I could have skipped it, but because I have a big-time man-crush on Antonio I picked one of my favorite of his films- Original Sin.

Open on a close-up of Angelina Jolie's incredibly luscious, completely unmistakable lips. Throw in a super-sappy love story with more twists, turns, and surprise "endings" than a whorehouse screening of The Sixth Sense. Add a generous helping of nakedness from both Antonio and Angelina, aaaaaaaannnnnnd SOLD!

The preposterous story follows Banderas' Luis, a filthy rich coffee plantation owner, on an adventure whose moral is this: buying a bride mail order is risky...but sometimes worth it. That is, if you don't mind losing your entire fortune and getting the ever-loving shit repeatedly kicked out of you, in exchange for sweaty, hot sex with a near perfect human specimen.

Jolie plays Julia, the UPS bride...except, spoiler alert.... she actually killed the bride to take her place in a plot with her pimp/boyfriend/super sketchy dude, to take Luis for all his dough.

Pimp and fake bride succeed, obviously. Luis, firmly at rock bottom and consumed with an ill-advised (to say the least) love for fake Julia, tracks the pair down, leading to a series of increasingly ridiculous though fantastically entertaining not-really-endings. Finally, fake Julia and Luis find their very own happily ever after, hustling hardworking scheisters at poker.

Some cool facts about this flick: It was based on a book called, "Waltz Into Darkness," a far superior title, by a fella named Cornell Woolrich. Woolrich also penned the book that "Rear Window" was based on, which means I have to add "Waltz" to my ever growing, never-ending reading list.

All in all I give Original Sin a treasure chest (pun most definitely intended) full of Pippi coins, for gratuitous nudity of the most excellent variety, and a ludicrously entertaining jaunt through the land of make-believe.

Thanks for tuning in for another edition of Dean's Black, White & Read Nights! I hope you've enjoyed this little romp through a great movie with me! Check out my previous installments and be on the lookout for my review of the Peanuts Classic, "The Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown."

If you'd like to leave me feedback or ask a question, shoot me an email at LukesJamHands@gmail.com. I love to hear from you guys!

If you love the Gilmore girls, check out my Under the Floorboards podcast with my pal Elizabeth Allen. We review each episode scene-by-scene, following our tangents where they lead while making fun of lots of people in the process. Just like life in Stars Hollow! Plus, we give you all the latest updates on everything Gilmore!

Also, if you are a fan of  Avatar: The Last Airbender , the animated series, give a listen to me and my son's podcast, TeamBoomeraangKickACast.

Talk atcha' soon!

#11- The Shining

 

Gilmore girls reference to the Shining (the first of MANY): Lorelai to Emily, "We like our internet slow, okay? We can turn it on, walk around, do a little dance, make a sandwich. With DSL, there's no dancing, no walking, and we'd starve. It'd be all work and no play. Have you not seen the Shining, mom?"


As I said, this is the first of a shit-ton of references to the cult classic film. Wikipedia puts the total at six times throughout the series (original run), but I feel like it is higher. We shall see what my official tally is. The only movie referenced as much in the Gilmore girls is the Godfather.  


I'm just gonna start by saying that the Shining is straight-up CREEPSVILLE. I am a 100%, grade A, scaredy-cat wuss. I freely admit this. But damn! This flick pulls out all the stops to really freak viewers the hell out. First of all, the movie is based on Stephen King's amazing book of the same name. As is the case with every movie based on one of King's works- the book is better. WAY better. However, taken as it's own thing, the film holds up well as just a damned good, scary movie.


Secondly, Stanley Kubrick directed the Shining. While I'm not fully on the Kubrick-can-do-no-wrong band-wagon, the dude knows how to instill a vibe of something just not quite right in everything he creates.


Finally, the casting of this film. They found the perfect person for every role. From the lead character of Jack Torrance (Jack Nicholson)...

...to his wife Wendy (Shelley Duvall)...

...their son Danny and his "invisible friend" Tony (Danny Lloyd)

...the  iconic twin girls...

...and the myriad of other characters that pop up , the Shining produces the absolute CREEPIEST person they could possibly have cast for that particular role.


The plot is this. Jack Torrance, "recovering" alcoholic and world's worst dad, decides that it would be a super-cool idea to take a job that requires his wife and young son to be snowed-in to a giant, creepy, haunted-ass hotel built on an ancient Indian burial ground in the middle of nowhere, for several months. Oh, and the dude who previously had the job killed his family with an axe. Jack's not worried. He plans to use the solitude to write.


All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy


Jack and Wendy's son, Danny, possess the ability to see the past and future, and to creep me the fuck out. He talks for his "invisible friend", Tony, in a voice that sends chills straight up my spine and makes me crap my pants in utter terror, while wiggling his index finger. However, he does give us this awesome scene on a sweet Big Wheel!


Creepy Danny on his Big Wheel


You can imagine how things play out. Jack descends quickly into madness as the many, MANY ghosts in the ancient hotel convince him to begin drinking again. The shit hits the fan, with spooky ghouls presenting themselves to Danny and Jack, and Jack hacking his way into his families hearts with an axe.


The Shining is a great movie, but ultimately the book is light years better, for the same reason that all King's books are far superior to the movie adaptations. Inner dialogue. King's tales of terror are always driven by the inner dialogue of his characters. We feel what they feel. We hear their deepest thoughts. These things provide us the critical information that we need to dissect the deeply complicated themes in the stories he creates. This can't be captured in a film. At least not in 90 minutes.

My rating system, as always, is based on Pippi Longstocking. Pippi, adorable oddball that she is, would never accept a standard 1-10 rating system. In light of this, I have opted for a system as follows:

1 Gold Pippi Coin= Pure crap

1 Sack of Gold Pippi Coins= Pretty Good

1 Treasure Chest of Gold Pippi Coins= Fantastic

1 Cave of Pippi Coins= Holy shit, I'm quitting my job, buying a family size bag of Doritos, and watching this movie on a constant loop. 

I gave this flick a rating of 1 Sack of Gold Pippi Coins. While I thoroughly enjoy this flick as a stand-alone movie, I can't help but compare it to it's exponentially better literary counterpart.

Thanks for tuning in for another edition of Dean's Black, White & Read Nights! I hope you've enjoyed this little romp through a great movie with me! Check out my previous installments and be on the lookout for my review of the Antonio Banderas and Angelina Jolie sex-fest, Original Sin.

If you'd like to leave me feedback or ask a question, shoot me an email at LukesJamHands@gmail.com. I love to hear from you guys!

If you love the Gilmore girls, check out my Under the Floorboards podcast with my pal Elizabeth Allen. We review each episode scene-by-scene, following our tangents where they lead while making fun of lots of people in the process. Just like life in Stars Hollow! Plus, we give you all the latest updates on everything Gilmore!

Also, if you are a fan of  Avatar: The Last Airbender , the animated series, give a listen to me and my son's podcast, TeamBoomeraangKickACast.

And now I leave you with the creepiest of all the creepy scenes from the Shining...

Creepy Twins

#9- The Goonies

Today's movie reference comes from S1, E9- The Lorelai's First Day at Chilton. 

Madeline: "I hate nature."


Madeline, Louise, and Paris are hiding in the bushes outside of the Chilton office where Rory has just dropped off her paperwork. Paris is gathering intel on the new girl. As the three girls crouch, Madeline complains somewhat incessantly about how much she hates being outside, ultimately uttering the words, "I hate nature." 


For my Gilmore girls Movie Challenge I refer to several sources, in addition to gathering movies from the episode myself. I try to be as thorough as I can, but I have to admit, I would have never caught this one on my own.


The Gilmore girls fan-run Wikia, sites Madeline's exclamation as a reference to the 80s cult classic, the Goonies. In the Goonies, there is a scene where-in the stumbling, bumbling, character, Chunk, finds himself running from the Fratelli's through some dark and scary woods. He utters the line, "I love the dark, but I hate nature."


This seems like a tenuous connection at best, but I fucking love the Goonies, so I was more than happy to include it in my challenge.


What can I say about this iconic flick that hasn't already been repeated a thousand times over? It's a classic for a reason.  The Goonies perfectly captured a brief moment in American history. I'm not just talking about the pop-culture laden lingo, the killer outfits, or the bitchin' hairdos. It was an attitude; a feeling that everything was kinda fucked up but it was all going to be alright. A belief that our generation- GenX- could save the world.


Naïve? Sure. But to this day I can't watch the Goonies without a feeling of bright hopefulness rising up inside me. Mouth, Chunk, Andy- the whole gang are my best pals and I am instantly 12-years-old again. We never grow up and we never say die. We're the Lost Boys of a lost generation, and the Goonedocks are our Neverland. The dreams of my youth are all still possible. Adventure is right outside my own front door.


Goonies was directed by the legendary Richard Donner, who also brought us such classics as Superman (the good one with Christopher Reeves), the Omen, Lethal Weapon, and, one of my top 10 all-time favorite flicks, LadyHawke.


Adding awesome to awesome, Goonies was written by Chris Columbus, who also gave us Gremlins.


If you grew up in a cave and never saw Goonies, and if you're over the age of fourteen, there's a good chance you won't love this movie. Although it holds up amazingly if you saw it when you were a kid, I've been told it comes off as corny and even silly if you watch it for the first time as an adult. I can't understand a world like that, and I'm truly sorry for you if you fall into that camp.


My rating system, as always, is based on Pippi Longstocking. Pippi, adorable oddball that she is, would never want a standard 1-10 rating system. In light of this, I have opted for a system as follows:
1 Gold Pippi Coin= Pure crap

1 Sack of Gold Pippi Coins= Pretty Good

1 Treasure Chest of Gold Pippi Coins= Fantastic

1 Cave of Pippi Coins= Holy shit, this is one of the best movies I’ve ever seen!

Of course, I gave this flick a rating of a cave full of Pippi coins- my highest. I love the Goonies and recommend it to one and all!


Thanks for tuning in for another edition of Dean's Black, White & Read Nights! I hope you've
enjoyed this little romp through a great movie with me! Check out my previous installments and be on the lookout for my review of the nerd blockbuster, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, coming soon.


If you'd like to leave me feedback or ask a question, shoot me an email at LukesJamHands@gmail.com. I love to hear from you guys!

If you love the Gilmore girls, check out my Under the Floorboards podcast with my pal Elizabeth Allen. We review each episode scene-by-scene, following our tangents where they lead while making fun of lots of people in the process. Just like life in Stars Hollow! Plus, we give you all the latest updates on everything Gilmore!

Also, if you are a fan of  Avatar: The Last Airbender , the animated series, give a listen to me and my son's podcast, TeamBoomeraangKickACast.BlogSpot.com .

Thanks again!

#8- Schindler's List

Here's the thing....


Anyone who listens to our Under the Floorboards podcast knows that I'm an emotional guy, but this film dropped me into a deep, dark well of sadness and despair. Thankfully, Schindler pulled me out.


There's no way I'm going to complete this review with my typical glib, self-deprecating attempt at humor. Instead, I'll present the facts about the tragedies of the Holocaust:

• Over 6,000,000 million Jewish people were slaughtered
• Fewer than 4,000 Jewish people remained in Poland after the Nazi's were defeated
• Schindler saved over 1100 Jewish people, and today there are more than 6,000 descendants of "Schindler's Jews"

Very few individuals were willing or able to stand against the Nazi's. Schindler did.


Now enjoy this video of a Nazi douche-bag getting punched in the face, set to the classic punk tune, Nazi Punks Fuck Off...


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yVTbXRhDlcw


....and this epic scene of a Nazi getting beaten to death with a baseball bat, by Brad Pitt's crew in the outstanding flick Inglorious Bastards...


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=isVwqPyxLM8


My rating system, as always, is based on Pippi Longstocking. Pippi, adorable oddball that she is, would never want a standard 1-10 rating system. In light of this, I have opted for a system as follows:


1 Gold Pippi Coin= Pure crap

1 Sack of Gold Pippi Coins= Pretty Good

1 Treasure Chest of Gold Pippi Coins= Fantastic

1 Cave of Pippi Coins= Holy shit, this is one of the best movies I’ve ever seen!

In the end, I gave this flick a rating of a cave full of Pippi coins- my highest. I cried. A lot.

Thanks for tuning in for another edition of Deans Black, White & Read Nights! I hope you've enjoyed this little romp through a great movie with me! Check out my previous installments and be on the lookout for my review of the cult classic Goonies, coming soon.

If you'd like to leave me feedback or ask a question, shoot me an email at LukesJamHands@gmail.com. I love to hear from you guys!

If you love the Gilmore girls, check out my Under the Floorboards podcast with my pal Elizabeth Allen. We review each episode scene-by-scene, following our tangents where they lead, while making fun of lots of people in the process. Just like life in Stars Hollow! Plus, we give you all the latest updates on everything Gilmore!

Also, if you are a fan of  Avatar: The Last Airbender , the animated series, give a listen to me and my son's podcast, TeamBoomeraangKickACast.BlogSpot.com .

Thanks again!