#11- The Shining

 

Gilmore girls reference to the Shining (the first of MANY): Lorelai to Emily, "We like our internet slow, okay? We can turn it on, walk around, do a little dance, make a sandwich. With DSL, there's no dancing, no walking, and we'd starve. It'd be all work and no play. Have you not seen the Shining, mom?"


As I said, this is the first of a shit-ton of references to the cult classic film. Wikipedia puts the total at six times throughout the series (original run), but I feel like it is higher. We shall see what my official tally is. The only movie referenced as much in the Gilmore girls is the Godfather.  


I'm just gonna start by saying that the Shining is straight-up CREEPSVILLE. I am a 100%, grade A, scaredy-cat wuss. I freely admit this. But damn! This flick pulls out all the stops to really freak viewers the hell out. First of all, the movie is based on Stephen King's amazing book of the same name. As is the case with every movie based on one of King's works- the book is better. WAY better. However, taken as it's own thing, the film holds up well as just a damned good, scary movie.


Secondly, Stanley Kubrick directed the Shining. While I'm not fully on the Kubrick-can-do-no-wrong band-wagon, the dude knows how to instill a vibe of something just not quite right in everything he creates.


Finally, the casting of this film. They found the perfect person for every role. From the lead character of Jack Torrance (Jack Nicholson)...

...to his wife Wendy (Shelley Duvall)...

...their son Danny and his "invisible friend" Tony (Danny Lloyd)

...the  iconic twin girls...

...and the myriad of other characters that pop up , the Shining produces the absolute CREEPIEST person they could possibly have cast for that particular role.


The plot is this. Jack Torrance, "recovering" alcoholic and world's worst dad, decides that it would be a super-cool idea to take a job that requires his wife and young son to be snowed-in to a giant, creepy, haunted-ass hotel built on an ancient Indian burial ground in the middle of nowhere, for several months. Oh, and the dude who previously had the job killed his family with an axe. Jack's not worried. He plans to use the solitude to write.


All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy


Jack and Wendy's son, Danny, possess the ability to see the past and future, and to creep me the fuck out. He talks for his "invisible friend", Tony, in a voice that sends chills straight up my spine and makes me crap my pants in utter terror, while wiggling his index finger. However, he does give us this awesome scene on a sweet Big Wheel!


Creepy Danny on his Big Wheel


You can imagine how things play out. Jack descends quickly into madness as the many, MANY ghosts in the ancient hotel convince him to begin drinking again. The shit hits the fan, with spooky ghouls presenting themselves to Danny and Jack, and Jack hacking his way into his families hearts with an axe.


The Shining is a great movie, but ultimately the book is light years better, for the same reason that all King's books are far superior to the movie adaptations. Inner dialogue. King's tales of terror are always driven by the inner dialogue of his characters. We feel what they feel. We hear their deepest thoughts. These things provide us the critical information that we need to dissect the deeply complicated themes in the stories he creates. This can't be captured in a film. At least not in 90 minutes.

My rating system, as always, is based on Pippi Longstocking. Pippi, adorable oddball that she is, would never accept a standard 1-10 rating system. In light of this, I have opted for a system as follows:

1 Gold Pippi Coin= Pure crap

1 Sack of Gold Pippi Coins= Pretty Good

1 Treasure Chest of Gold Pippi Coins= Fantastic

1 Cave of Pippi Coins= Holy shit, I'm quitting my job, buying a family size bag of Doritos, and watching this movie on a constant loop. 

I gave this flick a rating of 1 Sack of Gold Pippi Coins. While I thoroughly enjoy this flick as a stand-alone movie, I can't help but compare it to it's exponentially better literary counterpart.

Thanks for tuning in for another edition of Dean's Black, White & Read Nights! I hope you've enjoyed this little romp through a great movie with me! Check out my previous installments and be on the lookout for my review of the Antonio Banderas and Angelina Jolie sex-fest, Original Sin.

If you'd like to leave me feedback or ask a question, shoot me an email at LukesJamHands@gmail.com. I love to hear from you guys!

If you love the Gilmore girls, check out my Under the Floorboards podcast with my pal Elizabeth Allen. We review each episode scene-by-scene, following our tangents where they lead while making fun of lots of people in the process. Just like life in Stars Hollow! Plus, we give you all the latest updates on everything Gilmore!

Also, if you are a fan of  Avatar: The Last Airbender , the animated series, give a listen to me and my son's podcast, TeamBoomeraangKickACast.

And now I leave you with the creepiest of all the creepy scenes from the Shining...

Creepy Twins

#10- Harry Potter & the Goblet of Fire

Harry Potter & the Goblet of Fire

Miss Patty: "Now walk smooth. That's the new Harry Potter on your heads. If they should drop, Harry will die, and there won't be anymore books."

Back in season one of the Gilmore girls, when this reference was made, Harry Potter & the Goblet of Fire was the newest book, so here we are.

Let me start by making a disclaimer: I love the Harry Potter series; both books and movies. The stories are fun and fantastic, the movies do a great job of capturing the essence of the books, and J.K.Rowling uses her power and wealth to help out many deserving charities. My son is a hug fan of the series as well, and it has been an awesome experience to watch him read and re-read the books, and to discuss them with him. We disagree on nearly every aspect of the story, which makes our conversations much more fun! The thing we debate most is the question of how many horcrux's there are. I say seven, siting the fact that the author herself has stated as much. My boy cites Hermione's argument in Deathly Hollows, as proof that Voldemort does not (neither himself or his soul) count as a horcrux, so there are only six. Any thoughts on this out there? Email me at LukesJamHands@gmail.com, or just comment on this blog post and let me know.

Goblet of Fire essentially revolves around the TriWizard Tournament, which is being held at Hogwarts this year. If you ask me, hosting the tournament sucks, because it means no quidditch for the whole school year. Blah. Other wizarding and witchcraft schools have been invited, and one champion will be selected from each. Dumbledore announces that students have to be of, "the Wizarding Age of Majority," (which is 17). Of course, Harry is chosen by the magic Goblet of Fire, despite having not put his name into it.

I'll let this fun meme serve as my review of the film:

Right?!?!?

I mean, seriously folks. The TriWizard Tournament would have been boring AF to "watch", but that's not my problem with this particular Harry Potter installment. My problem is that the whole fucking story is completely unnecessary! Think about this: Why didn't Voldemort just have dork-boy Barty Crouch, Jr.(or one of his other minions who wasn't in freaking Azkaban) turn one of Harry's textbooks into a portkey? Or his toothbrush? Or his damn Spiderman underoos? Any of these or a million other items could have been used, and any one of them would have been a better choice than a magic fucking cup that has to be won in a competition Harry isn't even old enough to compete in. There would have been no need for the impersonation of a Hogwart's professor (a highly dangerous proposition), cheating a magic system designed by Dumbledore (WTF?), and feeding Harry info so he could win the damn tournament. I guess it wouldn't have been too exciting to watch Harry get whisked away to battle ol' Saggy Robes Voldemort, after picking up his pencil one morning, but whatever.

Adding insult to injury, Robert Pattinson is cast in a prominent supporting role, and I'm firmly Team Jacob.  

To make me feel better, here's a picture of Hermione looking very pensive...



....I like to imagine she is trying to decide how to tell Ron she is running away with me.

Now then...here are a bunch of sexy pictures of Emma Watson....



My rating system, as always, is based on Pippi Longstocking. Pippi, adorable oddball that she is, would never want a standard 1-10 rating system. In light of this, I have opted for a system as follows:

1 Gold Pippi Coin= Pure crap

1 Sack of Gold Pippi Coins= Pretty Good

1 Treasure Chest of Gold Pippi Coins= Fantastic

1 Cave of Pippi Coins= Holy shit, I'm quitting my job, buying a family size bag of Doritos, and watching this movie on a constant loop. 

I gave this flick a rating of 1 Sack of Gold Pippi Coins. While I love all the Harry Potter films, this is one of my least favorite of the bunch, beating out only the Deathly Hollows.

Thanks for tuning in for another edition of Dean's Black, White & Read Nights! I hope you've
enjoyed this little romp through a great movie with me! Check out my previous installments and be on the lookout for my review of the cult classic, the Shining.

If you'd like to leave me feedback or ask a question, shoot me an email at LukesJamHands@gmail.com. I love to hear from you guys!

If you love the Gilmore girls, check out my Under the Floorboards podcast with my pal Elizabeth Allen. We review each episode scene-by-scene, following our tangents where they lead while making fun of lots of people in the process. Just like life in Stars Hollow! Plus, we give you all the latest updates on everything Gilmore!

Also, if you are a fan of  Avatar: The Last Airbender , the animated series, give a listen to me and my son's podcast, TeamBoomeraangKickACast.



#9- The Goonies

Today's movie reference comes from S1, E9- The Lorelai's First Day at Chilton. 

Madeline: "I hate nature."


Madeline, Louise, and Paris are hiding in the bushes outside of the Chilton office where Rory has just dropped off her paperwork. Paris is gathering intel on the new girl. As the three girls crouch, Madeline complains somewhat incessantly about how much she hates being outside, ultimately uttering the words, "I hate nature." 


For my Gilmore girls Movie Challenge I refer to several sources, in addition to gathering movies from the episode myself. I try to be as thorough as I can, but I have to admit, I would have never caught this one on my own.


The Gilmore girls fan-run Wikia, sites Madeline's exclamation as a reference to the 80s cult classic, the Goonies. In the Goonies, there is a scene where-in the stumbling, bumbling, character, Chunk, finds himself running from the Fratelli's through some dark and scary woods. He utters the line, "I love the dark, but I hate nature."


This seems like a tenuous connection at best, but I fucking love the Goonies, so I was more than happy to include it in my challenge.


What can I say about this iconic flick that hasn't already been repeated a thousand times over? It's a classic for a reason.  The Goonies perfectly captured a brief moment in American history. I'm not just talking about the pop-culture laden lingo, the killer outfits, or the bitchin' hairdos. It was an attitude; a feeling that everything was kinda fucked up but it was all going to be alright. A belief that our generation- GenX- could save the world.


Naïve? Sure. But to this day I can't watch the Goonies without a feeling of bright hopefulness rising up inside me. Mouth, Chunk, Andy- the whole gang are my best pals and I am instantly 12-years-old again. We never grow up and we never say die. We're the Lost Boys of a lost generation, and the Goonedocks are our Neverland. The dreams of my youth are all still possible. Adventure is right outside my own front door.


Goonies was directed by the legendary Richard Donner, who also brought us such classics as Superman (the good one with Christopher Reeves), the Omen, Lethal Weapon, and, one of my top 10 all-time favorite flicks, LadyHawke.


Adding awesome to awesome, Goonies was written by Chris Columbus, who also gave us Gremlins.


If you grew up in a cave and never saw Goonies, and if you're over the age of fourteen, there's a good chance you won't love this movie. Although it holds up amazingly if you saw it when you were a kid, I've been told it comes off as corny and even silly if you watch it for the first time as an adult. I can't understand a world like that, and I'm truly sorry for you if you fall into that camp.


My rating system, as always, is based on Pippi Longstocking. Pippi, adorable oddball that she is, would never want a standard 1-10 rating system. In light of this, I have opted for a system as follows:
1 Gold Pippi Coin= Pure crap

1 Sack of Gold Pippi Coins= Pretty Good

1 Treasure Chest of Gold Pippi Coins= Fantastic

1 Cave of Pippi Coins= Holy shit, this is one of the best movies I’ve ever seen!

Of course, I gave this flick a rating of a cave full of Pippi coins- my highest. I love the Goonies and recommend it to one and all!


Thanks for tuning in for another edition of Dean's Black, White & Read Nights! I hope you've
enjoyed this little romp through a great movie with me! Check out my previous installments and be on the lookout for my review of the nerd blockbuster, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, coming soon.


If you'd like to leave me feedback or ask a question, shoot me an email at LukesJamHands@gmail.com. I love to hear from you guys!

If you love the Gilmore girls, check out my Under the Floorboards podcast with my pal Elizabeth Allen. We review each episode scene-by-scene, following our tangents where they lead while making fun of lots of people in the process. Just like life in Stars Hollow! Plus, we give you all the latest updates on everything Gilmore!

Also, if you are a fan of  Avatar: The Last Airbender , the animated series, give a listen to me and my son's podcast, TeamBoomeraangKickACast.BlogSpot.com .

Thanks again!

#8- Schindler's List

Here's the thing....


Anyone who listens to our Under the Floorboards podcast knows that I'm an emotional guy, but this film dropped me into a deep, dark well of sadness and despair. Thankfully, Schindler pulled me out.


There's no way I'm going to complete this review with my typical glib, self-deprecating attempt at humor. Instead, I'll present the facts about the tragedies of the Holocaust:

• Over 6,000,000 million Jewish people were slaughtered
• Fewer than 4,000 Jewish people remained in Poland after the Nazi's were defeated
• Schindler saved over 1100 Jewish people, and today there are more than 6,000 descendants of "Schindler's Jews"

Very few individuals were willing or able to stand against the Nazi's. Schindler did.


Now enjoy this video of a Nazi douche-bag getting punched in the face, set to the classic punk tune, Nazi Punks Fuck Off...


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yVTbXRhDlcw


....and this epic scene of a Nazi getting beaten to death with a baseball bat, by Brad Pitt's crew in the outstanding flick Inglorious Bastards...


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=isVwqPyxLM8


My rating system, as always, is based on Pippi Longstocking. Pippi, adorable oddball that she is, would never want a standard 1-10 rating system. In light of this, I have opted for a system as follows:


1 Gold Pippi Coin= Pure crap

1 Sack of Gold Pippi Coins= Pretty Good

1 Treasure Chest of Gold Pippi Coins= Fantastic

1 Cave of Pippi Coins= Holy shit, this is one of the best movies I’ve ever seen!

In the end, I gave this flick a rating of a cave full of Pippi coins- my highest. I cried. A lot.

Thanks for tuning in for another edition of Deans Black, White & Read Nights! I hope you've enjoyed this little romp through a great movie with me! Check out my previous installments and be on the lookout for my review of the cult classic Goonies, coming soon.

If you'd like to leave me feedback or ask a question, shoot me an email at LukesJamHands@gmail.com. I love to hear from you guys!

If you love the Gilmore girls, check out my Under the Floorboards podcast with my pal Elizabeth Allen. We review each episode scene-by-scene, following our tangents where they lead, while making fun of lots of people in the process. Just like life in Stars Hollow! Plus, we give you all the latest updates on everything Gilmore!

Also, if you are a fan of  Avatar: The Last Airbender , the animated series, give a listen to me and my son's podcast, TeamBoomeraangKickACast.BlogSpot.com .

Thanks again!